Take Winter Health Warnings To Heart

(Montrose) Local physicians here agree even without a flu shot most of us will survive the winter. Besides being colder and noticeably darker the period from December through February holds many unpleasant surprises for the uninitiated. Getting stuck in the snow or coming home to frozen pipes is nothing compared to life-threatening disease, brain deterioration and slow starvation.

First and foremost residents and visitors alike are reminded that dog hair and ashes are not a suitable substitute for daily fiber in one’s diet. While these household particles may seem normal to most of us we cannot ignore our need for nutritional balance. Of course we have come a long way since bleeding with leeches, mindless limb amputations and primitive chanting but watch out for nouvelle vague trends such as consensual cannibalism, leftover colcannon and sneeze warts as the winter drags on. In the final analysis these ribald solutions help nobody and can cause lots of problems down the road. Cutting edge doctors suggest a nice tumbler of aged Nicaraguan rum with every meal (especially breakfast) and two before bed. The balance of reality to perception must be explored!

Even if you are a strict vegetarian doctors here suggest that you apply a liberal amount of writer’s block on your face and extremities when venturing out into the Colorado sunshine. Avoiding the harmful rays of self-absorption and literary prowess is not only logical but it’s the law! Ignore your health and your storybook existence will soon be in the dumpster with all the bad novels and crummy films that one could suffer in a lifetime.

– Dianna Pettifogger

Continued when your next health insurance bill arrives

Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder

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