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Letters to The Pea Green Answer Man

Dear Pea Green Answer Man

Where did Cain get his wife?

Sara from Crawford


Dear Sara:

According the Genesis, after Cain slew his brother, Abel he became a fugitive and vagabond on the earth with a mark set upon him lest anyone finding him should kill him. Cain went into the land of Nod, where his wife bore him a son, and where he built a city, which he named Enoch after his son. The location of the land of Nod is not known, the Bible merely stating that is was east of Eden.   

Where did Cain get his wife? This presents a classic problem that Bible scholars have attempted to solve with more ingenuity than success. Some students suppose that Cain’s marriage occurred at a much later period than the murder of Abel, and that he married one of his sisters, or perhaps even a more distant relative. Others regard the story of Cain as a composite of several traditions relating to different men named Cain who lived at different periods.

Still others hold that, according to the Bible, Adam and Eve were not the first two persons on the earth, but the first two named persons. They maintain that the first chapter of Genesis gives the account of the general creation of human beings, while the second chapter of the same book gives the process of creation of Adam and Eve. It was then that man first became a living soul. If this theory is correct, there may have been millions of human beings on the earth when Adams and Eve were created.

– Pea Green Answer Man


Dear Pea Green Man:

Who coined the phrase “entangled alliances?”

George W.

Austin, TX


Dear George W:

This phrase is popularly attributed to George Washington. But Jefferson, not Washington, was the author. In his first inaugural address, March 4, 1801, President Jefferson said: “Peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all nations — entangling alliances with none.”

However, Washington is regarded as the author of the idea. In his Farewell Address, which was published Sept. 17, 1796, Washington said: “Why forego the advantages of so peculiar a situation? Why quit our own to stand upon foreign ground? Why, by interweaving our destiny with that of any part of Europe, entangle our peace and prosperity in the toils of European ambition, interest, humor, or caprice?”

Pea Green Answer Man


Dear Pea Green Answer Man:

Why doesn’t Louisiana have counties?




Dear Diva:

Soon after the United States purchased Louisiana from France the legislative council of Governor Claiborne divided that part of the territory now comprising the state of Louisiana into twelve settlements called counties. These districts, which were arbitrary and not clearly defined, proved unsatisfactory for the purposes of civil government. Therefore, in 1807, the legislature of the Territory of Orleans divided the Territory into nineteen districts, which were called Parishes instead of counties because the old French and Spanish ecclesiastical districts or parishes were used as a basis for the new divisions. The name was applied to additional civil districts created after the territory was admitted as a state.

Pea Green Answer Man


Dear PGAM:

What causes pounding in hot-water pipes?




Dear Greg:

The pounding and banging in hot water and steam pipes is called water hammer or hydraulic shock. This snapping noise is produced by moving water thrown against the sides of the pipes when hot steam comes in contact with cooler water and suddenly condenses. Water hammer may be caused by various conditions. Early in the morning when steam is suddenly turned into cold pipes water hammer is almost unavoidable. Usually, however, it is caused by some defect in the heating system, such as a radiator tipped the wrong way, by a partly closed valve, or by high pressure.

Pea Green Answer Man


Dear Pea Green Answer Man:

Is the art of hardening copper lost?




Dear Lisa:

A popular belief exists that the Egyptians and other ancient peoples, including the Mexicans and Peruvians, knew a process of hardening copper, which is unknown to modern metallurgists. There is also a widespread notion that the United States Government has a standing offer of a large reward for the rediscovery of this so-called lost art of tempering copper. Neither belief has any foundation. The reputed hardened product is always an alloy. No specimen of pure copper has been found which had a greater degree of hardness than can be produced by hammering. Any expert metallurgist of today knows how to produce an edged tool of hardened copper as good as any made in prehistoric times, but the knowledge does him no good because of the vast superiority of the steel tools now available. Hardening is produced either by hammering and cold rolling, or by the addition of alloying elements, in which case the material cannot truly be called copper. Amateur inventors seeking the lost art of hardening copper and the government prize for its rediscovery are wasting their time, for neither ever existed.

Pea Green Answer Man


Dear Pea Green Man

Do porcupines shoot their quills?




Dear Amazone:

When disturbed, a porcupine thrashes about actively with its tail and if the tail comes into contact with brush or other objects the tail quills are likely to be knocked out or detached. Frequently they are scattered around to a considerable extent. Under such circumstances the flying quills might readily give the impression that they are voluntarily thrown or shot at the enemy. They are not, however, actually thrown or shot out in the sense of being discharged by a propulsive effort of the animal other than the thrashing and flicking of its tail. Quills are frequently embedded in the flesh of animals that attack porcupines. Dogs that attack these animals usually get their noses full of quills for their pains.

John Burroughs, the naturalist, says on this subject: “Touch his tail, and like a trap it springs up and strikes your hand full of quills. The tail is the active weapon of defense; with this the animal strikes. It is the outpost that delivers its fire before the citadel is reached. It is doubtless this fact that has given rise to the popular notion that the porcupine can shoot its quills, which, of course, it cannot do.”



(Ouray) They feed the deer and elk when the snow’s up to their arses so why can’t the Division of Wildlife feed the black bear? Is there some secret that we civilians have not considered or has the possibility not been explored? Are they short of berries too?

Every year bear have to be destroyed when they venture into RV magic poodle lands, alleys and town garbage dumps. Hey, the bruins aren’t looking to start trouble. They don’t want to show up spiffy at your autumn barbecue to socialize. They’d rather slide in after everyone else has gone home to clean up the mess. They don’t want to rub elbows with people. They just want a snack.

Lots of snacks as it works out.

Right now bear need to put on enough weight to stop Oprah Winfrey mid-sentence. They are on deadline to add enough flab to make it through the hibernation time. Well there’s just not enough natural forage out there in the rain-choked forests. In addition, bear are curious and enjoy a trip into town in early morning and the evening.

Grub and a stroll. Now who would fault these fury monsters for that? THE TRANQUILIZER? Couldn’t the tag-happy DOW drop food a safe distance outside town sites and detour the bear before they get into trouble? We’re sure there are countless by-the-book reasons but lettuce proceed…

The other approach is to continue to take target practice on mischievous bears in trees that would probably wander back into the woods sooner or later if people would simply let them be. DOW marksmen shoot the bear with tranquilizer darts that put them to sleep and, at least in theory, do no harm to the animal.

Unfortunately the beasts didn’t read the small print. They soon nod out and fall from their perch like a bag of rocks often breaking their necks. They then have to be destroyed. All in a day’s work?

All we’re asking for here is a few dead cows, a helicopter load of apples and a handful of magic beans.

In closing, be advised that wearing bells and clanging pans to prevent contact with hungry bear in the wilds has been found to be less than effective if one is carrying aromatic foods such as trail mix or peanut butter sandwiches. The concept of puffing up and waving arms to make one appear larger than life in the event a confrontation with a bear is also of equal impact. Rule of thumb: If you want to keep your thumbs (and the rest of your hide) avoid fish-based eau de cologne and/or honey flavored shampoo when in bear country, which is most likely your own backyard.

– Rocky Flats

Ping Pong Ball Industry Faces More Lay-offs

(Denver) The already hard-pressed ping-pong ball industry has announced further lay-offs due in part to lagging sales. Experts within the multi-million dollar trade say the slow-down is a result of consumer fears.

“Every time some writer or politician mentions the word recession we lose another sale,” said Pauline Paddled of the International Brotherhood of Ping Pong Ball Workers. “I wish they’d just shut the hell up!”

Leading financiers agree that an economy based on mindless production of worthless goods can do just as well in bad times as in good times. They add that fiscal strengths and weaknesses are all relative to what the consumer believes that he has been fed. Meanwhile the gov’ment continues to urge people to buy things they don’t need just to prop up the invisible economy.

The ping pong people say that they will have to cut jobs through 2025 unless the public decides to play ball.

Rasta Charter Pulled

(Telluride) The National Association of Rastamen has terminated the charter of the local Rasta tribe on the grounds of racial conflict. Historically the religion, which considers the late King Haile Selassie to have been a deity, has also been Black. In addition the philosophy that has emerged is dotted with reference to white devils and a serious distrust for Western Europeanism.

“We found out that our pseudo-tribe in Telluride were a bunch of rich white kids trying to be radical. Silly, huh? We pulled the charter. It’s cut and dry. No discussion,” he stressed.

On another matter: Sources here warn that creeping socialism seeks to level the playing field and give everyone an equal chance at success from birth. Many wealthy Americans in privileged ski environs don’t grasp the fact that they too would lose leverage and elite status resulting in a breakdown in the local pecking order and eventual chaos, even inside bubbles.

-Patty Dread

Singer Hits Big Time in Food Rock Circles

(Crashville TN) With the release of Sophia Quacksalver’s newest single “Twenty-four Hours From Salsa” we witness the emergence of yet another great singer from within the ranks of the Food Rock phenomenon. Taking its lead from the successes of Christian Rock and closely following the formula country scene, food rock is a category of music of which little was known, or heard from, until just a few years ago.

Quacksalver on stage with one of her three twin sisters in 2018.

Quacksalver’s first hit “Bad at 30,000 Feet Is Still Bad, Baby” is a frank, examination of the airline food fiasco, sold over a million copies the first week before it tailed off due to limited attention spans. Her rendition of the Spam Cook classic “That’s the Sound of the Men Working on the Food Chain” followed up in rare style outselling “Bad 30,000″” and making a place for her on the Grand Ol’ Feed Bag and a host of TV talk shows. Then in 2001 her smash recording of “Johnny Vegetable” followed up by a new CD entitled “Don’t Worry – Eat Croppie” landed her dead center stage at the produce stand.

Once a backup singer at a roller-skating rink, Quacksalver appears in public wearing her trademark chef’s hat and whites although she admits she has never been in a kitchen.

“I made a box of macaroni and cheese once,” she smiled, exposing a mouthful of teeth that resembled ancient asparagus spears. “Hell, Country Music is chucked full of drugstore cowboys who are probably scared of horses and Christian rock…well let’s just say the Good Lord helps those who learn guitar and have exaggerated hygiene.”

– Fred Zeppelin

Please be careful setting rodent traps this fall

Figure 1. A mess in the morning

It’s that time of the year where rodents are looking for a place to hang for the winter. They come in through crawl spaces, unused drains and doorways. They chew through wood enclosures and nest in insulation.

We all want to be rid of these pests before they invite all their cousins to the winter soiree. That’s where traps come in. Although not the most humane (drowning or freezing are said to be less harsh) the traps are effective. Rural residents in Western Colorado report maximum catches most mornings in November and December each year.

Figure 2. Tragedy can be averted

No one is condemning the use of this build a better technology. We just ask that you be careful of who and what you might catch. (figure 1). Sure, one could say these blue people were trespassing and got what they deserved but c’mon. They are none too bright but don’t deserve this horrible fate, akin to the guillotine in their eyes. (Figure 2)

The Make My Smurf Law is nothing more than draconian policy and should be abandoned at next opportunity. Tragedies can be averted even though everyone enjoys a good slug of peanut butter or a hunk of cheese as a midnight snack.

Imagine a young child discovering a snapped trap in the morning with a cute little Smurf drawn and quartered. What irreparable damage occurs? Will the child carry this trauma for a lifetime?

Quite candidly, we did not even realize that these Smurfs were still on the pecking order. In our ignorance we were led to believe that they were extinct or at least on the endangered list.

– Dag Katz

Call 800-MouseTrap on your Smart Phone before you engage killing device