Summer 2018 Tourists Face Designated Visitor Days

(Crested Butte) Restrictions on who and how often people can walk the streets of Elk Avenue or stroll in downtown Ouray are expected to pass as the Colorado Senate winds down for summer recess.

Lawmakers met first thing this morning to hammer out an 11th-hour solution to a growing problem of too many people in one place. Calling it the Tough Love Amendment the assembly called for simple application of Designated Visitor Days that run a lot like Limited Watering Days, in the dryer parts of the country, during seasonal drought.

“If you are coming from out-of-state you will be informed long in advance of what days you can wander a given town or county,” said Victoria Crabbie, a spokesman for the Colorado House Republicans that passed the bill last month.

“The classifications are based on the first letter of the tourist’s name. For example: If your name starts with the letter A – F you will be welcomed on Mondays while a family whose name begins with G – L will be allowed to visit on Tuesdays and so on.

“People with names beginning with odd letters like X or Z are most likely foreigners and must register upon arrival at Colorado Welcome Stations that may still be operating in rural areas,” she said.

“People should not take the action personally since it is the culmination of many frustrating hours of balance and comparison by lawmakers who fully support the modern tourist state.”

Insiders say the program is tampering with the golden goose and that it creates a bureaucratic nightmare.
Meanwhile several popular Colorado towns have pad-locked their gates until further controls are established. These are Wimpton (site of the Giant Turd Museum), Gladstone, Pea Green (excluding the academy) Mañana and Fort Roubideau Bay.

Herds of sheep and flocks of poultry are not expected to be inconvenienced by the plan and local food truck access will remain the same.

– H L Menoken

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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