SPAM METEOR HEADED YOUR WAY SATURDAY

What is being described as an aggressive, orbiting wedge of gelatin-like meat the size of Philadelphia is headed for earth. After gobbling up Jupiter and spitting out Neptune the greasy mass has not been stopped, or even slowed, despite the combined efforts of military factions and the deployment of every weapon known to man.

Shedding its natural skin or heliosheath the blob-like Spam meteor has picked up speed and debris (space litter) while crossing over the heliosphere. It was hoped the reverse would occur but gravitational pull was galvanized and tropical storms in our solar system never materialized.

Observation points on dwarf planets have been evacuated and researchers have been ordered to tighten their Kuiper belts until the emergency passes. In the case of a direct hit survivors are directed to stay out of the sun and search for potable water.

-Warren of Wexley

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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