Senator Noise Called Dinosaur on Fossil Fuel Policy

(Gillette WY) Called “heartless” by many in his own party and “gutless” by others Oral Noise just doesn’t know when to zip it.

His recent claim that coal mining is beneficial to the environment has even right-wing advocates running for cover.

“Coal mines relieve stress on the planet by releasing carbon fumes and toxic gas into the air so they can then be safely blown away into space,” explained Noise. “Leaving these elements down inside the earth is dangerous and will lead to massive explosions and hurricanes.”

A further defense of fracking in relatively safe red state Wyoming, along with a tearful embrace of the oil industry has put him at odds with awakening fence sitters in the House and Senate that want cleaner air and even cleaner energy.

“These guys are so damn crooked,” said one former Republican who now works to promote alternative fuels. “They will say and do anything just to keep those campaign contributions flowing. “Even the honorable senator’s grand kids don’t trust him and he sees no need to bequeath a healthy planet to them.”

In accordance with the status quo Noise keeps getting reelected by stirring up racial distrust (in Wyoming?), dressing up like a cowboy and beating the Bible. Although these diversions have worked well in the past many rural voters are better informed today and keener on combating the negative affects of air pollution on the planet.

“A lot of these big oil puppets are linked to big pharmacy and big agriculture working like mad trying to grab every last cent of dirty money before the bottom falls out,” said the above source. “They are the swamp. I can’t wait to see them try to spend their fortunes from a prison cell.”

“There are no environmentalists in heaven,” said Noise. “Wind and solar are the work of the devil,” he stressed, fingering the Constitution. “It should be clear to all patriotic Americans that God wants us to drill.”

– Fred Zeppelin

Filed Under: Soft News

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