Santa Claus Canadian

(Ottowa) The red-clad warrior of Christmas has admitted his Canadian ancestry today much to the dismay of millions of fans south of the border in the United States. Humbug? In January?

“We are stunned,” said a spokesman for retailers here. “Why would he mislead us? Why would he impersonate himself in such a cruel way? Lock him up!”

For centuries Santa Claus was considered to be a product of the U.S. since his trademark image was created by people like Thomas Nast, Clarence Horning, Frank Leslie and Winslow Homer. Despite these presumptions the elf’s continued insistence that he reside at the brutal North Pole and his long association with Canada should have indicated a rat in the mix.

“People would prefer to gloss over the reality of a situation rather than consider all the possibilities,” said social scientist Margaret Swede of Cal Polygamy, a visiting scholar here. “Why do they think the Canadian kids always got their presents first? He’s been a rabid fan of the Maple Leafs since the first power play. He even goes to Blue Jay’s games. That in itself shows substantial instability.”

What this disclosure will do to Christmas down in the colonies is not known but former Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has bravely offered to fill in until a new Santa is appointed, or the old one is exonerated.

“Santa has mislead us for too long,” continued Swede. “Even liberal academia will be slow to forgive him for this ruthless act.”

As an acting Canadian, Santa is also a subject of the crown (Britain) which may not go down well in Fenian circles.

“His mother was a Murphy,” added Swede, “ahh, but don’t they forget the ould sod when they make a few quid across the sea.”

The United States is expected to impose economic sanctions against the Commonwealth of Canada for harboring the bearded fraud.

– Suzie Compost

Filed Under: Featured Peeks

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