Sagebrush Continues to Pile Up on Pennsylvania Avenue

(Warshington) Tons of sagebrush, dropped off in apprehension of a spiritual cleansing of the White House, is still blocking the pavement tonight despite attempts by Deep State and Park Personnel to remove them.

The colossal heaps, growing into mammoth mountain masses, began as a tiny offering of one small sagebrush plant brought by one or another group defamed, insulted and/or maligned by the present occupant of the heavily guarded white mansion. The miniscule deposit continued to grow to epic proportions in response to calls for “a spiritual awakening in the charlatan caverns of what was once a dignified dwelling.”

An eerie countdown accompanied the gathering of both people and plants. Sagebrush is said to have healing powers when burned. The sage burning ritual, or smudging, is an Indigenous American practice, which cleanses auras and rids a place of bad energy.

“It’s a spiritual communion that changes the shifting air element and transforms our experience to a mystical one,” said Alice Wiccan, an activist who says she would rather wait for “certain people to voluntarily relinquish claims to the place and leave due to their own premonitions.”

According to ancient beliefs a simple ritual will purify a given location by driving out conflict, anger and evil. “Air, fire, water, earth, cleanse, dismiss, dispel” is a popular mantra if readers would like to try the process in their homes.

Yesterday, over at the Capitol, sagebrush was ignited sending senators, congressmen and lobbyists heading for cover. Many thought it was a protest against the lingering criminality of cannabis or a book burning and continued with the business at hand: How to recover and salvage over 250 stranded yachts, crippled by Hurricane Maria. When they found out about the sagebrush they dropped all pretense about pleasure craft, tabling any further talk about the vanquished island territory and its desperate residents without basic human services.

Sagebrush like this, much of it from Western Colorado, continues to buildup on Pennsylvania Avenue, blocking traffic but sending a sweet scent into the air in the nations’ capital.

Activists plan to release the home addresses of citizens that fall into the One Percent category so that enthusiasts can cleanse their residences too in the spirit of brotherly love.

Despite accusations on the part of Attorney General Jeff Sessions no one appeared to be smoking the stuff as of noon today. The pile is expanding despite efforts on the part of District Refuse Specialists to haul it over to _________ County in Maryland.

“It worked for the refugees from gentrification,” said a Sessions’ aide.

The current resident of the Oval Office was not available for comment during the ruckus. A spokesman for his skeletal staff confirmed reports that he was busy hosting a banquet for the World Wrestling Federation in the West Wing Coliseum. They then nervously exhorted their anxious, yet loyal colleagues to man their guns insisting that the Air Force was not likely to attack the White House after only one eviction notice.

– Warren of Wexley

 

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