Robot Wins Liar’s Poker Finals

(Onion Hall) In a frightening genetic passage, TeeTerrific, a perky gynoid robot, has soundly defeated incumbent Flemm Finn in the World Championship Liar’s Poker Cup held here this passed weekend.

Tee, created by Epson Futures, runs on solar energy and compost material. She is always smiling and requires no sleep.

Flemm a meat trimmer from Rasher Road over in Milk Marie runs on beer and processed food.

Intimidated into folding with four aces in his hand, the shaky Finn promised to give up gambling and spend more time drinking. TeeTerrific spent the rest of the evening stuffing money into her jeans like he saw in the robot-friendly Striptease with Demi Moore.

The tournament, which will be held again in 2023, was created in 1720 so as to bring attention to the plight of serfs employed by the Currency Cabbage Exchange that are still forced to sleep out at temperatures below eighty degrees in order to protect herds of cotton bearing coyotes from flash flooding. Sure they are.

We’re no fools. We know what they are really doing.

A strict invitational, the competition features 128 players that are soon whittled down to 2. The idea is to lie about your poker hand based on the numbers coded on the bill, and then sell your pinocchio bill of goods to the other players who are also busy lying to you and everyone else.

The biggest liar standing takes the cash.

“It is truly terrifying and people should be alarmed that a robot could understand the intricacies, subtleties and sandy sense of selflessness that untruths can bring,’ said a founder of the popular tournament. “We thought the game was bullet-proof if for no other good reason than nobody was shooting at it.”     

This is the first time anyone but a white male has ever won the match.

– Evelyn Marmotbreath