Ridiculous Laps Self

(Los Angeles) It had to happen sooner or later. After centuries of the human experience on this planet the stark concept of the ridiculous/absurd has caught up with and passed itself.

According to a pack of silly watch dog groups organized to monitor the rise of the ultra-ridiculous in modern society, inhabitants of the planet first recognized the existence of the ridiculous early on when hairy little men in animal skins went out to do battle with saber-toothed tigers and mammoths, armed with only a flimsy spear, some menacing rocks and the ability of rational thought. Some were even naked. Living in caves without television and dish washers extracts a hearty toll on one’s sense of balance, priority and applied logic.

Later, with the rise of civilized societies in the Mideast warfare dictated the height of ridiculous in that vast armies would hurl themselves at each other for no apparent reason other than the ego of kings, and the desire for glory on the battlefield. Arrows begot shields and castles demanded moats. Sure, there were the spoils and the plunder but they were secondary to the primitive yearnings for the other guy’s blood.

The situation continued to simmer through the Greek and Roman periods and through the early days of Christianity when pagan holidays magically became Christian ones and superstition replaced clear thought. Later Islamic warriors swept across continent secure in the fact that death for Allah would bring eternity in paradise. Preoccupied Europeans, busy with crooked Popes and the dredges of Black Death didn’t see it all coming.

“All this time the proponents of the absurd never faced up to the burden of validity,” says research analyst, Homer Romer, Director of False Civilization at Cal Polygamy Institute here. “Despite the Industrial Revolution and the dawn of The Renaissance nobody possessed the chronology as to the human emergence or what was in store down the road.”

Romer said that in short: “We have no real proof as to where we came from or where we’re going.

“History joins the ranks of the ridiculous here when we attempt to substitute warped hearsay for biological origins of each living creature on earth,” said Romer. “Sure, we can dig up Mesopotamia and argue about the exact locale of the Garden of Eden but that still doesn’t answer the big question: What was the average Joe up to moments before birth, or better yet moments before conception? Where does he go after all of this?

Romer, dressed in his flagship high-top sneakers and terry-cloth bathrobe, adjusted his caramel-colored Velcro eye patch and discounted the sperm and egg theory as just another biological ploy to throw intellectuals off the trail.

“Since the inception of spiritualism man has imagined all sorts of afterlife possibilities, many hooked to behavior while in the mortal state. The concept of heaven and hell didn’t start with sun worship or the invention of fire but long before that when the first people failed to come to grips with the regular arrival of night. The chicken or the egg controversy came to light soon after a connection between scrambled and over easy. In short: Did the chicken create the egg or the egg create the chicken, and might I have another helping of beans and rice?”

Despite the growing ridiculousness engulfing the planet man went on with his tedious daily pursuits, which usually involved storing more food or honing better weapons.

During one of our Dark Ages, mumbo-jumbo such as the Divine Right theory and Holy Feudalism hurled man into a state of ridiculous stature determined by birth and death. Very little has changed.

Still no one contested the long-held beliefs of order in the heavens presided over by a Supreme somebody.

The rise of sophisticated technology and the arrival of the Industrial Revolution added great heaps of fuel to the roaring fire. Now warfare could be counted on to destroy more people per square mile than ever before. Still an effective method for picking up the trash was never established.

“Until the employment of gunpowder warriors had to work at the destruction of their adversaries, often at the celebrated hand-to-hand category,” said Romer. “Now it could be accomplished en masse with explosives. In the final stand-off lead will beat flesh every time.”

Some historians are convinced that warfare is the great population control yet through the next century of continual warfare we see the planet’s population skyrocket. All these people and no sense of direction. The utter ridiculousness of it all achieved a position of dominance despite the outward trappings of civilization. Still, even during the nightmares of the Twentieth Century the serious observer could distinguish logic from the absurd. No more.

Now that the mindless march of ridiculous notion has gained a poll position there’s nothing stopping it from spinning even further out of control. Whether or not man can reign in his most dangerous inventions is of little consequence as even our very nature is caught up in lemming-like progress. Will the planet finally hit the eject button or go down with humanity’s ship? Is the earth really flat? It sure looks that way in Kansas and in vast sections of Russia. Will people like this Romer fellow still draw a paycheck for their ramblings? Why are hot dogs so bad for us?

“May ye live in interesting times”, whether a curse or a holiday greeting, has never been more appropriate as we watch politicians parrot their virtues, see television replace human interaction, stand-by as mass marketing rules the day. All this with chemically -induced food yields, gated communities and nuclear weapons.

“Who will stand up and demand that common sense is employed,” asks Romer. “Not me, Charlie, I’m off for an afternoon of bridge jumping. I just hope we find water.”

Tommy Middelfinger

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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