Returnee Talks of Hereafter

(Banana Contento) A longtime shell shearer says he’s died and come back for another go round. The local man, whose name was not given, told stories of indirect lighting, great halls, boiling cauldrons of soup and cloud gatherings for tea at three (formal attire mandatory).

In addition he said the place was laid back and no one needed money. Beer was free and the first meal was beans and rice. People spent an hour a day engaged in chores such as pumping clouds and filling feather pillows, he said.

“We wanted to keep his identity secret until the story could be further investigated,’ said a local police spokesperson. “All we need is some pandemic over time travel or heaven’s gate and we’ll never again see a peaceful day.”

The returnee is being held at the Center for Diagnostic Space Dancing, according to an interview a local radio talk host Buster Rutledge of KRAT who was denied access to the facility Friday.

“The whole thing is a hoax. He’s some liberal,” claimed Rutledge, who recently won the Medal of Fodder for finally getting off drugs. “This guy has never been out of the county much less in the Great Beyond. This all reeks of another Democrat attempt to discredit the President.”

Readers may recall when a Colona man, Billy Blastoff returned from Great Beyond in 2018

“It’s a mirror of this world. An enchanted mirror, “ he had said. “Everything is the opposite — a perfectly reproduced reflection. The abyss rather ominous, no?  No more madness – No more sense.

“I came back on my bonus ticket*,” he continued “to pick up my fish-eye lens and some sox for all my new friends. It can get chilly in the Evermore.

After a bonafide Wizard of Oz exit in the presence of thousands of disturbed citizens his hot air balloon floated up into the sky and away. He hasn’t been seen for weeks.

*A Bonus Ticket appears to be a premium granted to people who were good on earth but have no desire to return and stay here. They get one quick visit to attend to unfinished business.

-Estelle Marmotbreath

Filed Under: Featured Peeks

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