Republicans continue to lose seats

(Bland Valley) In the face of an expected Democrat counterattack this fall Republicans continue to lose seats due to special elections, scandalous retirements, indictments and apparent lack of interest in the governing process.

Since February 2018 the GOP has lost two recliners, one chase lounge, three couches, a velour love seat, several blue deck chairs, four bar stools, a parachute landing device, five desk chairs, over-stuffed easy chairs, fainting couches, plastic chairs, canvass beach ensembles, throwback, antique and inflatable seats, 12 sets of kitchen chairs, assorted regressing patio perches and  judge’s bench.

“I don’t care how many seats they mislay,” said Abner Quitee, 111, who has never voted Democrat for been out of Mesa County, his entire life. “But some of us are a bit concerned that with the recent losses there on’t be anywhere to sit down. I guess there are those dusty hammocks or the metal chairs down in the potato cellar.”

Insiders in the party. themselves clutching one-way tickets, say this is no funny business. It took a while but the people finally figured out our little rich man – poor man scam.”

“We already know those godless Democrats have futons, wine racks, yoga mats and worldly designs on their chairs,” said one state representative near tears. “Some are even made of marijuana.”

On the other side of  the slippery aisle voices have been raised asking if it is really possible to be xenophobic about an oak rockier? There was no joy in Foggy Bottom or on Capitol Hill though, since voters still remember the Dems showing up with rented furniture in 2000 and 2004.

Voters in several Red States, moved by such a shortfalls at first promised to deliver reinforcements in the form of furniture rostered above. However, due in part to a series of transgressions (Read: Spending scandals by top HUD and EPA appointees) many have rescinded on the offer.

– Susie Compost


Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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