Rejected Explanations for Jamal Khashoggi’s Murder

(Istanbul UPS) Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has repeatedly denied knowledge of and involvement with the recent death of a Washington Post reporter Jamal Khashoggi. The journalist went missing after entering the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul on October 2. It is believed that he was assassinated by a 15-man Saudi Security team sent to Turkey for that draconian purpose. Here at home President Trump has denied evidence much like he denies that climate change brought on by humans.

“The Prince Salman would never lie about something like this,” said Sheik Sushi Tuna, former director of security in Riyadh. “He has already rejected some of the more likely scenarios relating to the alleged murder of Mr. Khashoggi. We suggested he might have fallen down the consulate stairs or maybe slipped in the shower,” Tuna continued. My colleagues and I then suggested that he was hit by falling debris in that the old consulate is always under some kind of construction. My chauffeur, who has a medical background, thinks the victim experienced a heart attack while resisting authorities.”

Abdul “Mickey” Trout, a Saudi fishmonger and animal behaviorist in Yemen, echoed the concerns and frustrations of the Kingdom saying that a rabid camel probably mauled Khashoggi.

“Many camels still harbor resentment over the results of the competition and the accompanying Botox scandal,” smiled Trout. “Some have embraced violence.”

King Abdulaziz, producer of this year’s Camel Festival in Rumah had no comment on these developments.

“The signs are there: the struggle, the breakage, the camel hair,” Trout continued. “If not a rogue Dromedary then it must have been a fast traveling flu that he picked up in Turkey. This whole mess could not have had anything to do with the Crowned Prince who was over in Jersey playing the casinos at the time of the incident.”

Other Saudi diplomats were quick to suggest that Khashoggi stabbed himself in the back 45 times or fell into a well. Most say he had terrorist links and was tainted by his time in the United States.

“Khashoggi? Isn’t that a Polish dumpling?” asked a Trump spokesman.

-Kashmir Horseshoe

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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