Polyester Blamed in Brain Deterioration

(Detroit, MI  Fabric of Life 2026  October, 2017)

Motown scientists say they have linked the use of polyester to mental dysfunction and the loss of brain cells. Teams of dermatologists from the Detroit Free Garment District and Cotton Gentrification Tribunal are convinced that the fabric should be outlawed before the Congress disbands in 2022. The research facility, badly damaged during Romanian air strikes in 2020, has tested over 7000 article of clothing from stretch pants to dress shirts.

“The purveyors of these fashion horrors should be banned from the industry and jailed,” quacked Miracle Miles, of the DFGD. “Their chemical clothing must be banned from our racks.”

The issue here appears related to the breathing capacity of polyester and the effect on the brain. For decades scientists have known the oxygen deprivation can be deadly. Now mounds of data show that persons who wear cotton are healthier and people who don the poly are at extreme risk.

In over 40,000 test cases conducted at the revamped Chrysler Assembly Plant here, deterioration was quite evident in every participant. Veteran workers, with a longer exposure quotient, were found to have suffered permanent damage beyond even the most radical rehabilitation techniques.

“This is bunk,” said one union steward. “These folks have been turned into vegetables because of the mindless, repetitive, and yes tedious work that they perform eight hours a day. We should not be surprised to see the level of unhappiness increasing in a society where people must sell their soul to feed their families.”

Many of the subjects, who have been wearing polyester since childhood, showed up for the first session with rashes and skin irritations thought to be related to constant exposure to inferior attire.

Congress, on an extended, non-perk vacation since 2018, is expected to return to Washington, when the water recedes, and then on to the Capitol for high-level talks on the matter

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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