Policy Toward China Based on Take-Out Menu

Fork or Chopsticks?

(Washington) The State Department today admitted that its official procedure for dealing with Mainland China from 1949 to 2017 has been based on an extensive Mandarin/Hunan take-out menu.

The 20-page menu, written entirely in Oriental dialects, was secured by CIA agents from the popular Golden Dragon Restaurant in Georgetown, just prior to the Korean Conflict. Defectors from the infant Maoist regime translated most of it at that time and recommended the garlic prawns with snow peas. Although Cold Warriors were convinced the items were displayed in code, time has proven that theory wrong.

“It was a simple Chinese menu…No substitutions, egg rolls extra,” said Fred Chow Mein, a former espionage officer, now employed as a lobbyist for Taiwan. “How anyone could have read more into this is insane.”

The original proprietors of the Golden Dragon, also named Mein, were deported during the McCarthy Era and the entire eatery was turned into a Wisconsin bratwurst joint. Then in 1954, with the fall of Joe McCarthy and the rise of ethnic appetites, the restaurant was reopened by a syndicate headed by Edward R. Morrow. It instantly became a hangout for journalists. The Mein family was brought back from Toronto and owns/operates the cafe today.

A State Department spokesman told reporters that, given the paranoia prevalent in the country at the time, it was quite feasible for the government to take the wrong path regarding diplomacy.

“Imagine the confusing messages sent to the Red Chinese about crisp Peking Duck alone,” she said. “I especially like the part where Douglas MacArthur threatens to cross the Egg Drop River with a fleet of amphibious wontons in 1951.”

– Susie Compost

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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