Police Brace for Super Moon

The first known Super Moon is slated for September 20 in front of 1800 Pennsylvania Ave. Some 7000 people will pull down their pants and aim at the White House as a sign of their distaste for “El Mentiro de La Frontera”

Catered by Capital Meats, Pressed Ham on Glass, Depends, Arlene’s Cosmetic Surgery and other elitist Washington entities the event is invitation only. Participants must be cleanly dressed, quiet and show proof of lunar ascendency.

“Vendors are welcome. Drive-by photos will not be tolerated,” compressed Wardine Culo, Executive Director for Moonlight Serenades Ltd. “No fireworks, glass or dogs will be admitted. Air cover is will only be called in if we are overrun.”

Extremists on both sides have threatened to disrupt the event, listed in the Top Ten Things to do in Washington This Week flyer. If mooner numbers are higher than Trump’s 2017 Inaugural figures a grandstand and a second shift will be added.

Anal-retentive protesters are reminded not to climb trees or attempt trespass on White House grounds during the production and when the mooning draws to a close.

Billed as The New Boxer Rebellion by media outlets in support of the Republican agenda, the Super Moon will be duplicated at each of Trump’s Casinos and golf corpses every Sunday until November of 2020.

“Mooning is socialist,” said Republican senate leaders. “It would never be tolerated in Moscow.”

In other blockbuster summer news: Yes, Jesus is coming back this summer but he’ll be staying in Canada due to gun violence in the United States. After a rally in Vancouver a two-day visit to the child holding tanks on the Mexican border will replace a previously scheduled stop at the White House.

Meanwhile many Americans still believe Richard Nixon was innocent of all counts in the Watergate Scandal of 1973, says a recent Faux Nuze poll. Of these some 21% say liberals railroaded the man, 13% don’t recognize the name and 6% think he’s still in office.

In concurrent polls: 93% of FOX viewers believe that Donald Trump (of windmill cancer fame) is Don Quixote. (82% of those pronounced the name Quicksote, had never heard of Cervantes. Of that control group more than half said La Mancha is a giant burrito at Taco Hole.)

“Jousting with those evil leftist windmills is a great diversionary tactic and the entire Trump Administration has been armed with 9-irons to do just that,” says Faux defiantly.

Then there was the blown newscast that reported ICE was defeated – They meant to say ISIS. It could happen to anyone.

And I thought The Horseshoe was stupid.

-Melvin “Breakfast Meat” Toole

Filed Under: Soft News

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