With the passage of the once controversial Yoga Pants Amendment it is crystal clear that society has reached a point of diminished returns when it comes to fashion, good taste and trendy, pop-fashion statements.

The bill, passed by a slim margin in the House, bulled its way through the Senate resulting in a near disaster as it flew through an open window, crashing into a herd of food carts jockeying for position just outside the Capitol.

One vender, Mama’s Good Cookin’, was held hostage by male assailants in off-maroon yoga pants who demanded the nation return to its roots and reinvent imported chemical clothing made of inferior fibers in sweat shops. They then singled out anyone wearing Spamdex for further harrassment.

Screaming “This ain’t the land of cotton”, they employed a circuit of flying buttresses and remain dug-in across the hall from a Congressional dressing room once used by both John Wilkes Booth, Greta Garbo and Spiro Agnew at different times in their respective careers.

“Yoga pants are a privilege, not a right,” they shouted as the police closed in with tanks and small artillery.

In response to what the feds are calling a blatant terrorist attack, the White House declared martial law, prohibiting yoga pants in public places until the matter accepted by hostiles on both legs of the issue.

We were then reminded of the dire warnings spewed by martyred yoga pants rights activist, Chipper Putt (MA in mantric landscaping, burned biscuits and theological rectitude) who in his last moments at the stern imparted:

“First let me say that I have over 32 tattoos and 11 piercings and I am no fool. This whole yoga pants controversy is an embarrassing exercise in the waste of man’s intellect. It’s as if we were debating the circumference of hoop skirts.”

It’s like running across the Cliffs Notes to a rambling, soapy novel that no one would believe: A Russian agent in a red tie (blackmailed for past perversions and fiscal arrangements) manages to bully the US government on the backs of his less than erudite faithful who he will stiff in the end. The story will never sell because no one will buy it.”

– Pegleg O’Sullivan

Filed Under: Featured Peeks


RSSComments (0)

Trackback URL

Comments are closed.