Ouray Telluride Tunnel Reopens Thursday

Ouray-Telluride tunnel map(Governor’s Basin – Ouray, Colorado – January 10, 2015)
With the final blasting set for this weekend the massive Ouray-Telluride Tunnel should be back in business this week. Shattering all estimates of man-hours and expenses incurred, the project was speedily revamped employing high tech trenching devices not available when the passageway was created by the mining industry in 1903.
“Actually there are countless tunnels running all over hell heading west from Ouray and petering out at both the Ruins at Idarado and Bridal Veil Falls in San Miguel County,” said Myron Me, Executive Director of the Telluride Tunnel Festival slated for next summer. “This recent construction aimed to link the major arteries so as to access strategic points and allow underground travel.”
The mega-renovation is in no way meant to be a substitute or replacement for the failed gondola project abandoned in 1975. The 15-mile tunnel that winds its way through tons of rock is not a surrogate but rather a highway for business, gov’ment and pedestrians wishing to navigate these mountains rather than driving around them. The venture was funded with federal and state coffers.
“A restoration like this takes money,” said local politician Hal Burton, who hopes a new 5% tax in both counties could lighten the blow significantly. “It is our unpleasant task to implement a slight duty tax on local residents who will most benefit from the infrastructure. The remainder of the cost will be subsidized by the government via a fiscal excess discovered following the termination of the School Lunch Program, Social Security, and the recall of collector food stamps featuring the portrait of Speaker of the House, John Boehner (Republican-Moeller High School).
Backers of the dig say they have poured over feasibility studies since the 80s and that the time was right to go ahead. The overall cost was estimated at more than a million but less than a billion. Driving time between the two towns should be reduced from one hour and ten minutes (depending on the weather) to approximately 12 minutes.
“This is bigger than the opening of the ski area, the Twin Cities Prairie Dog Shoot, Norwood Pioneer Days, the Keystone mud slide of ’85 and the Papal blessing of Lawson Hill all rolled into one,” said Burton.
Phase two of the mission calls for a link the above-mentioned towns with Lake City, Silverton and Ophir in 2016. – Marlene Marvelous

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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