Neptune, Pluto Right in Rejecting Refugee Pleas

(Milky Quay) The outright rejection of Earthlings from consideration for political and social refugee status is the only logical path to cosmic survival, say leaders on the planet of Neptune and the star-planet of Pluto.

Mounds of formal rejections, especially from Americans, crowd the tiny immigration offices on both heavenly bodies making it impossible for governing entities to function and opening the door to further chaos.

Applications for refugee status have burgeoned due to over-population, pollution, monster weather, war and famine on earth. As Neptune sees it these petitioners have a bad attitude and want to bring it here.

“The supplicants are mostly from the corporate class, a wealthy segment of the population that, as a result of evil profits, can afford to pay cash for the light year journey,” said a spokesman for the Prime Minister’s Office on Pluto. “They have destroyed their own planet and now they want to come here. We don’t want these people in our world.”

As of this morning Pluto has cut off 3-month visas for beings from east of Saturn.

“These people don’t take responsibility for the destruction of their planet and now they want to live here at the frontier of the solar system,” said Jared Jarr, a minor bureaucrat on Neptune. “We just don’t see how this will ever work out to anyone’s benefit.”

There is no personal property on Neptune or Pluto while honor, family and land are the most important variable in the tightly regulated societies. A distinct majority of voters in both locales expressed concern that the inclusion of earthlings would disrupt their peaceful lives and disrupt bloodlines that have been a mainstay for centuries.

“The track record of these petitioners and their almost laughable embrace of superstition is not in accordance with our sense of morality,” added Jarr. “Many have allowed a fairy tale to dictate their lives and have never looked beyond the surface for answers…metaphysical and/or empiricist.”

Pathways to both destinations are very difficult to negotiate due to the prevalent Jolley Current, a vastest system of air currents that, when correctly interfaced, prevents space travelers from orbiting and makes it virtually impossible to approach either planet. Without acute instrument manipulation, light year translation and the application of cloud codes (jealously guarded by elite security forces) their ships could be trapped in outer space or even sucked into the infamous and constantly vigilant Black Hole.

In short, without the assistance of allies on the ground nobody can land. Private ventures, hauling wealthy ex-patriots and their gold might even face anti-aircraft batteries and fighter planes when they finally reach strong gravitational fields of the coveted zones.

“It’s sad that we have to reject all of the earthling applicants just because of the greed and racism of just a few,” said Jarr. “While we realize that many beings on earth are victims too we cannot accommodate them. We suggest they take their heads out of Uranus, indict the guilty and take radical steps to bring these gluttonous devils to justice. Then, maybe we can develop a dialogue on the issue.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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