Monsanto will distribute medical marijuana in most states

(Washington) In an attempt to get a grip on the citizen demands to legalize marijuana in more than 20 states the White House has announced a merger with the Monsanto Corporation that would clear the way for the chemical giant to sell pot. We have designated our friends over at Monsanto as exclusive agent  for cannabis production and distribution.

“We are pleased to put this controversial drug in the hands of a responsible party that sincerely cares for the health of our constituents,” said a press release found under the office door this morning.

In what is estimated to be a lucrative, billion dollar contract Monsanto agrees to grow and distribute marijuana through exiting channels and add more convenience stops as the year progresses. Whether options will be available in states where the drug is already legal is slated to be discussed Wednesday.

“We see ourselves much like the Starbucks cartel,” said a source at Monsanto, self-described champions of genetically produced crops. “People are gobbling up our fake tomatoes and high fiber rice now. We can’t wait to see the herds lining up for scientifically induced bud.

On Wall Street Monsanto has already moved to secure many satellite companies that manufacture junk food and hopes to soon dominate the Munchie Exchange with the bullish dumping of fertilizer stocks for recreational commodities.

-Fred Zeppelin

 

 

“Religion is no substitute for morality”

– Manfred Alabaster Krone

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