Mobs Attack Science Fair

(Cajones, MO) Prompted by local climate deniers an angry crowd attacked an itinerant science exhibit here scattering participants and obliterating over 100 booths before disengagement.

The mob, leftover from an anti-immigration rally held here last night smashed displays and interrupted demonstrations of alternative energy and evolution before moving on to burgers and fries in a secure pavilion provided by a local soft drink concern.

The Earth Is Flat Society, the Know Nothing Party and several local religious sects denied involvement in the destruction although leaflets distributed before the assault bore the birthmarks of previous intervention.   

“It’s the devil’s workbook,” said one Calvinist preacher. “There is nothing about these secular postulates in our teachings. They are dirty like sex education and voting for a Democrat.”

Physics and chemistry are not offered in the mandatory public education curriculum…especially at the middle school level. As a result many of the zombies involved in the violence see these disciplines as witchcraft.

Progressive elements, busy cleaning up the mess, blamed the outburst on the use of Teflon in the kitchen, the constant exposure to talk radio and the daily consumption of trash food.

“It’s the standard xenophobic boilerplate,” said one chemist from Moline. “Up until now no one has successfully produced stupidity in a test tube but it is not for the lack of effort.”

– Juliene Pettifogger

Filed Under: Soft News


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