Missouri Exhibitionist Demands Diplomatic Immunity

(Montrose) A Missouri man, in custody for allegedly exposing himself to the local ladies’ gardening club over the weekend, has claimed diplomatic immunity in his defense.

Citing his state’s slogan; Show Me, Horace Moon insists he is innocent on all accounts.

“Mr. Moon was well within his state constitutional rights at the time of the incident,” said attorney Beatrice Buffe of Denver. “He was only adhering to his patriotic duty as he saw it. His vindication is simply a matter of time and, of corpse, my legal fees.”

The garden gathering feels differently. According to the police report, Moon jumped a seven-foot trellis, shattered an expensive bird bath and frightened three small dogs before dropping his britches to his knees and scowling at the perfumed assemblage.

“Then he began chanting, jumping up and down and screeching a distorted variation of the Rebel Yell,” said Marguerite Worthington Bulbous (of the Riverbottom Bulbouses). “I know that yell when I hear it. My father employed the spine-tingling scream it every night when he hit the hay with mother.”

Bulbous, a long-term member of the Unwed Daughters of the Confederacy, went on to say that the petunia crop would probably not survive another monsoon while tougher flowers like pansies and marigolds would suffer hardships in the case of a drought but would live on to fight another day.

Moon, a native of Lamar (also the birthplace of Harry Truman) is known to be “as stubborn as a Missouri mule” according to close friends. A former scout for the St Louis Cardinals, his extracurricular trench coat activities have plagued him since childhood.

Currently incarcerated at the local calaboose, Moon sits defiantly, alone and without remorse in his orange tear-away jumpsuit. At press time the Show Me State has refused pleas to pay his bail, set at $25,000. His trial is set for sometime after Christmas.

– Jack Spratt

      

     

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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