Missing Link Eludes Police in Archetypal Fashion

“He’s always known too much but now he’s got money – We see a clear and present threat to the peace of the nation”  – Ferne Dingle, Manana County Sheriff

After several daytime sightings followed by fruitless searches near the Ridgway Reservoir police are combing Log Hill and Buckhorn in hopes of cornering the elusive Missing Link before he makes it the Badlands of Utah and his legendary Fry Canyon stronghold.

News that the Missing Link’s Net Worth is Over 6.5 million has raised a few eyebrows this week and given authorities cause for concern since he was only recently destitute and reliance on friends for handouts was the rule of the day.

Endorsements, speaking engagements, sales of memorabilia and autographs as well as interest-bearing foundations, tax-free religion, tea dance premiums and kickbacks from several country and western artists have left the Link quite wealthy in human terms.

Tourists hiking near Griffith Gardens on Log Hill Mesa recently spotted what they called “a flimsy-looking, shadow-like male primate” 4 miles up from the clachan of Colona. Police and olive units arrived in moments hoping for surprise in their attempts to take the suspect into custody.

Authorities believe The Link has been loitering around Wildcat Creek in the vicinity of Colona where it is further believed he has a secret consort of the female persuasion. Whether the lover came along after he money or before was not clear at press time.

“If the link spills the beans even the mentally challenged among us will see things much more clearly and realize what’s been going on here.” said one former Colorado senator. “You think the judicial system is a farce now? Just wait.”

Later in the day when pressed the top investigator would not say exactly why they were tracking The Link or what the suspect had done to merit all the chaos.

“He ain’t an immigrant. He ain’t a terrorist. He ain’t even one of those progressives,” said one deputy. “I’ve been out on more than 20 of these Missing Link chases and I’ve yet to glimpse what they call hybrid prey.

When further pressed, both peace officers averted their eyes to the nearby horizon, monkeying with binoculars, adjusted their badges and ignored further journalistic excursions from baby journalists practicing their breast-stroke in these troubled waters.

– Pepper Salte

 

Filed Under: Featured Peeks

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