Missing Link “Apprehended”on White House lawn

White House security forces may have prematurely announced the capture of the curiously illusive Missing Link on Friday. Although it appears the Link was in custody at four different locations inside hastily constructed White House fortifications, nobody seems to know his present location.

 Carrying only a beach chair, a seaman’s lantern and dressed in a designer loincloth, the Link reportedly scaled a fifteen foot fence with ease as officers pursued from assorted directions.

“It’s like playing Chinese checkers without a Chinaman,” said one veteran gatekeeper. “I for one believe The Link is capable of space changing and leaps of terrifying measure,” he went on. “I saw it wth these eyes. He is resilient and other-worldly even though he may be the glue that holds our genetic history together.”

A conflicting news account has him escaping capture and disappearing into the Potomac. A Maryland woman says she saw what might have been the Missing Link crossing the street in Takoma Park. A former police officer who now operates Soggy Bottom Daycare Center in Chinatown says the fugitive from justice lives in a seedy apartment nearby.

Other high-ranking intelligence sources claim he has applied for political asylum at the Etruscan Embassy in Virginia.

This appears to be the latest in a series of White House fence jumping although it is the first incident connected to the Missing Link.

It is not clear why the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, the KGB, the NRA and an assortment of state and local law enforcement agencies are so interested in the movements of the Link, who has managed to elude them all for the past 20 years.

“Maybe the Missing Link don’t know nothin’ or maybe he knows just a little too much,” said one county sheriff. “Either way his capture would put a feather in someone’s cop cap. 

-Susie Compost

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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