(Crested Butte) An incredible rubber vein, possibly the continent’s largest, was unearthed at the base of Snodgrass Mountain yesterday. Surveyors mapping the area as part of a ski area expansion were shocked to find large specimens of the sticky rare ore just lying around on the ground.

“Upon further investigation we located massive caverns whose walls were made of almost pure rubber ore,” said Melvin Leopold, world renown mucker and long time veterinarian for the Flying Farcheezie Family. “After roaming through these tunnels and caves nobody wanted to survey anymore. The boys were having far too much fun bouncing off the walls and snatching souvenirs.”

The announcement has sent shock waves through the mining industry as Pay-Max; a giant mining concern that owns many local claims quickly sent top executives to Crested Butte to have a look. Already they are insisting that they retain all rights to Snodgrass Mountain and Gothic Mountain to the northwest. One Pay-Max spokesman told The Horseshoe that if the strike is all it appears to be, the community could see an assortment of mines and mills up and going by fall.

“Here we’ve been hanging out watching molybdenum prices go through the ceiling and now we stumble over the largest rubber reserves on the planet. It just goes to show you that the rich were born that way for a reason!”

Meanwhile, over at Vail-I70 primitive plans to harvest the rubber hit a dead end as it looks like one of the team forgot to secure the mineral rights to the Snodgrass-Gothic corridor from the United States Forest Service.

“We have one vice-president whose only responsibility is to take care of these kinds of things,” said one ski area exec. “What the hell has she been doing all these years? Skiing?”

We attempted to reach the USFS for a comment late this morning, but everyone had not arrived for work yet or had already gone home for the day.

The ski area plans to fight the mining interest, saying that the extraction of rubber from far below the earth would not be compatible with smooth ski slopes or safe foundations on condos planned for the area.

                                                                                  – Uncle Pahgre

We will be reading excerpts of the recently hobbled Mueller Report every evening through July at Colona Railway Bistro. Log Hill Fawn and Flume. See you there!

Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder


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