Local Woman Wins Nobel Prize

Hack after receiving the news of her prize

(Stockholm UPS) After minutes of deliberation the Nobel Committee on Non-Essential Pomp awarded this year’s prize for apathy to Dubbie Hack of Olathe.

A spokesman for the group, Svim Orsinke, explained:

Vell ve yust could not decide between Dub and anoder American, Al Gore. Den ve found out dot Gore tinks he cares, and tinks he does his yob. He even tinks he will be elected President. Dub, on da odder hand, has never kidded herself on dese madders.”

The monetary prize is traditionally awarded to one who displays concerted disinterest, steadfast indifference and/or a strong and resolute lack of concern for all of humanity.

Dub shot to immediate dark fame after she ran over her grandmother on her way to the liquor store last July. When questioned by authorities regarding the old woman in the driveway Dub explained that he had been in a hurry to get to the store before All-star Nordic Wrestling hit the airwaves. The incident was then called accidental by police and no charges were filed.

Critics question the link between the Nobel Committee and Nordic Wrestling Federation suggesting collusion or at the very least tampering and election fraud.

“She might have made it to the mailbox if I hadn’t nailed her on the way back too,” Hack quipped, rolling her eyes. “What had she doing out there on the driveway anyway?” The woman should have been wearing lights or at least an orange vest.”

When told of the decision Dub said he was honored and inquired about said cash awards.


“The gods love the obscure and hate the obvious.”

The Upanishads (800-500 BC)

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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