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A fantasy foursome loads its clubs and takes off for the first tee. They are Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi, Vladimir Putin and Gina Haspel (Head of the CIA).   Alternates: Stormy Daniels. Caddie: Mike Pence.

Pelosi: I’ll take a mulligan.

Putin: But you haven’t even hit a ball yet.

Haspel: Maybe you should hit from the Ladies’ tee.

Pelosi: How many chances do I get?

Trump: One. Make it a good one.

Putin: We’re all watching your every move.

Haspel: Smooth swing now, Birdie.

Putin: Ask those security people to back away. I’m likely to drive the green.

Trump: I did that last time. I was fantastic.

Pelosi: It’s a long way with a serious dogleg to the right.

Haspel: Those aren’t security people. They are the caterers.

Pelosi: Then why are they on the course?

Trump: They came to see me. They think I’m wonderful.

Putin: No. They came to see me. I promised them Polish vodka.

Trump: People continually tell me I remind them of Elvis. He is my idol and has been since I visited Graceland during a prep school outing.

Putin: My hero is Joseph Stalin even though he couldn’t sink a putt to save his life.

Pelosi: He had plenty of KGB helpers to kick the ball into the hole when no one was looking.

Haspel: But that’s cheating. Who is your hero Nancy?

Pelosi: Nancy Sinatra

Putin: Me too and Ukraine.

Trump:  You’ve done a fantastic job there. Magnificent. Your shot (to Haspel). Who do you look up to, besides me, I mean…

Haspel: John Wayne. I’m the female John Wayne.

Putin: Watch the sand trap. The pin is to the front of the green.

Trump: Well done. I got a four on that.

Pence: I think you got a seven.

Daniels: Closer to a zero.

Haspel: I’d use a pitching wedge and lay up this side of the water hazard. It worked at Guantanamo and that’s a tough back nine.

Daniels: I love it when you talk dirty.

Pence: Hot dog for anyone at the turn? I’ll run interference since they’ll be a slew of pushy reporters asking lots of questions about immigration, climate change, China, pollution, overpopulation, the Black Sea and nuclear arsenals. Does anyone have any answers they would like me to share?

Haspel: Yes. Keep you body still and follow through.

Pelosi: Keep your head down.

Putin: Keep your feet firmly planted.

Trump: Use a stronger grip and a pencil on your scorecard.

– Darlene Duffer

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