LETTUCE BEFORE LEARNING IN AMERICA

(Washington) The newly organized Agency for Sensitivity and Compassion has released guidelines for putting former students to work picking agricultural products this fall. The far-reaching program will kick off with the closure of all schools and focus on the needs of corporate farms.

Later in the fall privately held farms would qualify to begin employing the youthful labor force to pick everything from apples to cotton. A preliminary plan to shutter all but a few centers of learning has gained a House nod with several related bills pending in the Senate.

Child pickers harvest soy beans in lieu of knowledge according to the New Order instituted by Department of Education.

“It’s called redirecting resources,” said one of the architects of the plan whose children attend private, elite institutions that are exempt from what critics call “lockdowns”. Restricting the majority of children from the classroom was explained by the White House as “for their own good since they are not learning the right things anyway.”

It was not clear if parochial schools would be affected although persons familiar with these developments say it will depend of loyalty and support of these policies across the board. These bodies could be eligible for special treatment if they denounce other less desirable groups, as they have often done throughout history.

“This is the final phase of the dumbing of America,” say many teachers. “Manpower shortages because of cruel, impotent and incompetent immigration laws are resolved by putting students in the field to insure the continued profits of corporate farms.

“Our schools need to educate and graduate people who can think,” said one retired teacher, “and who will uphold our Democratic beliefs. That has not been happening. Just look at the Congress. Legislation by dollars. We elected them.”

Supporters of the move counter by insisting that no real learning is going on anyway and that it is high time for “these pampered brats to come to the aid of corporate America for the benefit of all Americans.”

Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos chimed in her support for the changes, reassuring “our base bases that the Big Guy was always watching and had their best interests at heart.

“There comes a time when we must chose: Melons & pumpkins or history & math? We like to call it sweat equity for the future. Soon they will all have Green Cards so we can identify bad apples and curtail the movements of insurgent groups.”

Most of the labor force will come from the Blue States who did not support the GOP ticket in 2016 but those ranks will remain open to include the children of persons who voted for Trump in 2016. The offspring of Republican honchos and donors will remain in school so as to graduate and run the country in the future.

– K. Sera Huckleberry

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Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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