Kroger Eyes Lake City Super Store

(Hinsdale County) The Kroger Corporation, masked as City Market, is considering an expansion into remote and tiny Lake City it was announced today. The plan calls for a high altitude storage warehouse at a secret location on Ocean Wave Drive, according to a press release received this morning.

As most of us already know it is easier to preserve food at higher elevations. The proposed satellite posting could help the giant grocer make even more money by cutting waste.

“Sure we have to dump a lot of the perishable goods,” explained one executive, “that don’t sell by the date inscribed but those canned goods and boxed commodities can survive forever, especially in the dryer air above 8500 feet.”

Rumors had already begun to circulate the town as to establishment of a brothel on the site due to a small typographical error in the press release. Kroger and the Town of Lake City quickly terminated these circulations.

“Warehouse…a warehouse, although one that will coexist with our historically designated master plan here,” said a town father.

When completed the facility will house eight distinct departments and employ 100 people. Reports that a retail operation will be included in the ambitious projections were confirmed by an upstairs Kroger source saying, “Why not sell groceries. We’ll already be in town.”

Filed Under: Hard News

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