Kim Clings to Emotional Support Nukes

(Seoul) With a groundbreaking summit close at hand, Kim Jong-un, Dear Leader of North Korea, is still not budging on an emotional support nuke clause in the preliminary agreements earmarked to be signed near the demilitarized zone on Friday.

The controversial clause calls for Kim’s continued possession of at least one small nuclear weapon as an emotional support vehicle. The North Korean despot would maintain the right to travel with and display the weapon through 2020. The continued custody was not expected to be a point of contention in a massive financial aid package offered by the West in return for the dismantling of Kim’s nuclear arsenal.

“Dear Leader needs emotional support to be sure,” said one former aide now in hiding in Laos. And what says buttress like an atomic bomb? People have emotional support dogs, emotional support financiers, even emotional support teams. Kim craves the security that can only be realized by the Big One close at hand. In short the North Korean leader wants to insure that he will retain some bang for his buck within the coming negotiations.

“It’s an ominous security blanket,” said the source.

In a related development diplomats insist that Kim Jong-un’s apparent change of heart when it comes to talking with the United States has nothing whatsoever with Kim’s alleged desire to meet porn star Stormy Daniels. Rumors have been flying in the Forbidden City that President Trump would “see to the introductions” in return for China’s help reigning in Kim.

“Chinese foreign Minister Wang Yi, his counterpart Ri Young of North Korea and Chinese President, Xi Jinping have been accused by human rights advocates of curousing in the company of Western floozies but Trump has yet to be linked to these high-level, low-end moral infractions.

– Yangtze Go Homme

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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