January Could Stick Around a Little Longer Than Usual

(Whether Channel, Irish Sea) The often-tedious month of January may last a little longer than 31 days in 2018 according to weather forecasters here on the River Liffey. The projected extension could be particularly hard-felt in mountainous regions of North and South America as well as in the Alps and the Himalayas.

Regions near sea level will experience an increase in moisture but no extreme temperatures often common to January. In the higher elevations, Old Man Winter, often represented by a grim reaper type character, is expected to dole out harsh weather systems common to the month in question. This pattern could remain in effect until mid-May.

“The problem originates with a massive calendar catastrophe way back in 3000 BC when Sumerians failed to turn their clocks back to account for a jump in leap years and the solar and lunar eclipse of 2999,” said one researcher here. “Sure it took almost 500 years but the phenomenon finally caught up with us.”

In layman’s terms, it appears that, after all this time has passed; we owe the calendar about 68 days, which would be made up between January 31 and May 15. Concerned citizens are requested to observe an assortment of weather maps available over at the federal gov’ment. Farmers are urged to maintain their regular routine and not change planting procedures or animal husbandry methodology.

“We’re not calling for mass alarm,” continued the weather scientist. “It’s not like sun spots or global warming…but only a simple calendar adjustment and some inconvenient extended winter conditions hanging around a little longer. It’s nothing to worry about, believe me. Sometimes I wonder why we tell you people anything at all,” he frowned.

For further information consult your cell phone.  -Fanny Albright

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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