(Washington) The Internal Revenue Service is concerned with aluminum cans. Actually it is more concerned with the evasive tendencies of those engaged in the gathering of these treasures, saying that the government has not been cut in on the action.

“These criminals are not paying their fair share on the profits generated in this lucrative exchange,” said Otto B. Broke of the IRS. “We only want what’s coming to us.

Broke assured us that his agency had already taken steps to insure that this behavior would cease and that these tax dodgers would be brought to justice. He failed to mention the saving graces of recycling and the advantages of positive garbage management in his epistle. 

“Even if we have to post an agent at every dumpster in every town in America, we will nip this conspiracy in the bud,” he insisted.

A new federal tax form, number ABZ-11998, has been issued and persons who fail to comply with the newest regulations will be penalized. Broke said the country is losing over $600 per aluminum can operation per annum and added that there may be as many as 4 million Americans engaged in this dumpster-diving trade.

“We even had a case where one aluminum enthusiast attempted to write off his shabby clothing as a uniform, declared his cardboard shack to be his office and claimed each individual can as a dependent”, laughed Broke. “The whole thing is mind boggling at best! Don’t these people realize that we need the money to keep the country running smoothly?”

 -Kashmir Horseshoe

Filed Under: Hard News


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