IRS Offering Ribs in Lieu of Refunds

(Ogden, UT) The Internal Revenue Service, in an apparent attempt to relieve the personal debt ceilings, has instituted a flagship program which offers taxpayers baby-back pork ribs instead of refunds.

The ribs, available only to persons who have earned a tax refund will be sent out just like other correspondence from the Treasury Department, arriving late, and probably cold. Already jokes about pork barrel politics and pigs at the trough are circulating major government centers. Earned income credit cannot be applied in a piggyback fashion as it has in other years.

“Recent tax cuts for the wealthy dictate that we too must cut back when it comes to refunding moneys,” said Shirley Turnip of the IRS.

Persons interested in receiving the food should fill out one of the Ribs Instead of Refunds forms available right next to Selective Service questionnaires at local post offices. Respondents must clearly state whether they prefer sauce or dry-cooked ribs, how they like them done and if they prefer potato salad to cole slaw.

“Once we get the fire going it will be too late for substitutions,” said Turnip.

Meanwhile the IRS has filed a final decision as to the status of sun worshipers residing in this country, saying that since the practice is not recognized as a legitimate religion and therefore these parties must file taxes in accordance with the existing laws.

“A few hunhred scrawls o’ chaps with a couple o’ guns and Rosary beads, again’ a hunhred thousand thrained men with horse, fut an’ artillery…and he wants us to fight fair!”

– Sean O’Casey in The Plow and the Star (1926)

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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