IRS Offering Ribs in Lieu of Refunds

(Ogden, UT) The Internal Revenue Service, in an apparent attempt to reduce the national debt, has instituted a flagship program that offers taxpayers baby-back pork ribs instead of refunds.

The ribs, available only to persons who have earned a tax refund, will be sent out just like other correspondence from the Treasury Department, arriving late, and probably cold. Already jokes about pork barrel politics and pigs at the trough are circulating major government fiscal centers.

“The economics of it all dictate that we too must cut back when it comes to refunding moneys to those people (taxpayers) ,” said Shirley Turnip of the IRS.

Persons interested in receiving the fare should fill out one of the Ribs Instead of Refunds forms available right next to Selective Service questionnaires at local post offices. Respondents must clearly state whether they prefer sauce or dry-cooked ribs and also how they like them done.

“We don’t trust most people to prepare the ribs correctly and have issued prevenative orers do avoid charred feelings and burned expectations,” said Turnip. “Once we get the fire going it will be too late for substitutions,” she warned.

Meanwhile the IRS has filed a final decision as to the status of sun worshipers residing in this country saying that since the practice is not recognized as a legitimate religion and therefore these parties must file taxes in accordance with the existing laws.

“Pavement hostesses.”

Another name for hookers, ala Dublin (Ireland) cop Connor ‘Lugs” Branigan.

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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