Irish-Danes Demand Seat on Security Council

(Queens) The recently recognized, DNA-legitimate ethnic group, the Irish-Danes contends it will not rest until it has secured a seat on the United Nations Security Council.

Threatening to return to the bloodthirsty days of all out pillage, plunder and piracy on the Irish and English coasts, the terrifying warriors affirmed that they are ready to take their place at the world’s banquet table or die trying.

“We will feast in New York or Valhalla,” said Thorgeson Brian McGinty, king of those that go a- viking with a terrifying trademark: Warriors wear nothing but a sword, shield and footwear, red hair flying, balls to the wall.

These fierce and able madmen (products of centuries of mutual cavorting on rainy nights in Ireland) are generally quite the spectacle, drawing throngs of adoring women to the shore. Historically, other eye witnesses were few and far between since most had fled to the interior at the first sign of the swift dragon ships on the horizon.

“It’s all up to the delegates,” said McGinty. “We can sit quietly and play with our ties like the others or go a-viking. Either way we will have our fun.”

Wooden ships, the long preferred transport of the hearty brigands, have clogged up both the Hudson and the East Rivers since Tuesday, bringing river traffic to a virtual standstill. These Celtic Norsemen have fleeced a fleet of beer trucks and broken a plethora of noise ordinances but police are wary of approaching them.

One police officer told a tale of depravity and deplorable merrymaking saying that the red-haired devils had absconded with several taxi cabs and were headed to the Hamptons for the weekend.

“They are insisting that we give them Brooklyn,” he said.

In a related piece the Dail Eireann today banned the use of the Irish language in that island country in hopes of revitalizing that ancient tongue.

“If we tell them it’s against the law to speak it they’ll all be studying up on it and a resurgence will follow. The pubs will soon be full to the brim with the beautiful chatter, said an uppity source from the lower house of the Irish legislature.

The British tried to destroy everything about the Irish culture in 700 years of occupation, including the application of genocide in the West, but that hasn’t worked out so well for them.

– Fred Zeppelin

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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