How To Meet Other Vegetables

(Denver) Hey there tomato, steamed about the coming of another summer while you’re lonely on the vine? Plant yourself in the sunny garden of earthly delights like a snap bean on a mission and who knows what might turnip.

First of all one must effectively squash all notions as to parsnips that may occur in the single world. All vegetables are different and the seeker must employ a variety of tactics in each case. Example: If you’re attempting to get the attention of an early potato don’t show up a half hour late. If you are attracted to a sweet Bermuda onion don’t hang out in Montreal.

While relationships between vegetables like kohlrabi and Chinese cabbage are rare they are not impossible just so long as both parties take into account differences in religion and ethnic origin. The Swiss chard can be happy with eggplant but only if they understand each other’s needs and leave the baggage at a storage unit.

Nobody wants to be seen as an afterthought. Even okra, parsley and peppers need to feel like the special of the day too. Never mind that corn, tomatoes and sweet potatoes are seen as supplements to the major fare. NOBODY WANTS TO PLAY SECOND FIDDLE ON A BED OF RICE. It’s far more effective to start the relationship with an equality and pick and chose accessory characters as you proceed. A pumpkin will not act in the supporting roll. Head lettuce wants to be in charge. Watermelons have lots of seeds.

Perhaps the most important element necessary for a strong bond is personal appearance and behavior. Nobody likes a dirty cucumber or lentils with improper hygiene. Kale that has turned soft will never be harvested. This goes for peas, okra, radishes and onions too. In every love relationship there are rhubarbs that cannot be avoided but they will be less frequent if one follows a constitution that fertilizes as well as waters.

Finally, and possibly the most important: Don’t hang out in endives if you want to meet quality crops. It’s better to go to the nicer places. Some great spots to meet other vegetables include outdoor markets, perennial organizations, canning seminars, greenhouses and some truck farms. Places to avoid include the frozen food aisle at the grocery, transient produce roadside stands, and as we have already said, smoky endives of all sorts.

We sincerely hope this concise advisory will help you stay warm and cozy this coming winter. Always remember: You have to dig in some dirt, my friend, if you want that garden to grow.

“The conflict in Europe was terrible and violent, Amanda (former slave and survivor of the Valentine Farm Massacre) told her sailor husband years later, but she took exception to the name. The Great War had always been between white and black. It always would be.”

– from The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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