House Approves Daniels

(Warshington) A split House reluctantly approved the hotly contested nomination of Jack Daniels to the Supreme Quart this afternoon. Daniels, a longtime Trump supporter, has no experience in government, but has made millions in the whiskey distillation business in his native Tennessee.

Now that the dust has cleared, supporters admit that opponents all but put a cork in the proceedings. Many are said to have favored George Dickel, a country-western singer from Oklahoma.

Many House Republicans bucked partisan lines to reject the appointment on the grounds that Daniels is uneducated and inexperienced. Washington insiders say the real reason for the hesitation lies within public opinion polls… The more conservative, Bible Belt constituencies would not like the idea of a sour mash king sitting on the nation’s highest quart.

A corn-fed filibuster was avoided when concessions were made that iced the nomination. The final vote was 106-86 with a host of abstentions. The action will now head to the Senate where it is expected to receive quick approval due to the presence of an open bar and scantily clad servers in the Capitol.           – Rocky Flats

“We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.”

– Edward R. Murrow, Report on Senator Joseph McCarthy (March 7, 1954)

Filed Under: Hard News

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