Health and Stealth

with Melvin Toolstoy

Broken hearts not considered a pre-existing condition

In a blow to rejected lovers the House today voted in favor of the insurance cartel saying that lost love does not constitute a threat to life and therefore is not automatically included in basic medical or surgical treatment on most policies.

In addition, broken hearts could not be classified as a pre-existing condition but that persons with multiple love calamities and worn track records could still be denied coverage.

“This decision heavily favors those who embrace monogamy or who have not yet met the right person,” said Doctor Simon Lackluster of the Mao Clinic. “People who are not in touch with their libidos should not have to worry about emergency room etiquette and are free to seek treatment in more progressive cultures where medicine does not have a steep price tag.”

The announcement said nothing of exorbitant prescription costs and the absence of the Hippocratic Oath on medical balance sheets in the United States.

Any procedures compliant with freethinking and alternative care are not covered under Medifaire. Instead white tipped canes will be handed out to those blinded by emotion.

Executive insurance policies still promise “You can take it with you even though that has yet to be confirmed by anyone in a position of authority.

Filed Under: Soft News


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