Gunnison Releases Political Prisoners

JAILED FOR NOT SHOVELING SIDEWALKS

(Alcatraz-on-Tomichi) Hundreds of happy, but exhausted, inmates were released from the Gunnison Country Jail this morning after being incarcerated for weeks without trial. Their crime? Failure to shovel sidewalks in the allotted time.

The powerful city council, originators of the ordinance, finally rescinded its previous decision and allowed the felons to go home for the weekend. They will be back in quart on Monday for final sentencing.

“That gives us time to coordinate release efforts down the road and secure the support of rogue council members,” said an attorney from the Civil Liabilities Union. “The council realizes it abused its power and now members just want to save face.”

What’s really stupid is that merchants along this corridor are swift in their assault on snow-covered sidewalks. Threats by the gov’ment appear to have been totally unnecessary. Conditions inside the calaboose are said to have been quite brutal in that cable TV was turned off and each morning the arresting officers ate all the doughnuts.

“There’s nothing in the Constitution that says I have to shovel snow at a prescribed time,” said Melvin Toole-Hood, a leader of the resistance and militant collector of rare buttons. “Just because we let the council have its own television show they think they can set policy.”

Attorneys for the accused say the matter will likely be thrown out of quart since the habeas corpus has melted.

“It’s just like all them Tarheels running out and buying snow shovels after a northeasterner spilled a little powder down there,” flapped Toole. “Don’t they know it will melt? My advice is to trade in that shovel for a jug of corn squeezins and sit by the pot belly till things return to normal.”

– Dolores Alegria

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Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder

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