Gorilla Glue “Spill” Foils Congressional E-Seating

An unexplained application of super glue, allegedly smeared and squirted by terrorists, has prevented a quorum in the House and Senate. The intrusive substance, thought to be Gorilla Glue due to its bonding quotients, was disbursed onto all doors leading in and out of the legislative chamber preventing lawmakers from taking their accustomed seats Monday morning.

The doors, now welded shut with the fast acting chemical compound, have thwarted attempts by leaders here to E-Seat themselves in apprehension of hearings on term limits and campaign financing.

The term E-Seat refers to the eternal and elite status of the average Congressman who is supposed to represent the citizens of this country but often opts for its own interests instead. Many think the glue, liberally applied over the weekend, is the work of obstructionists intent of derailing investigations and hearings on the subject of corruption at the highest levels.

According to a history censor, on retainer at the Horseshoe, “There is no precedence here. The glue may just be a practical joke or a warning as to tar and feathering to come. The barrels discarded near the Capitol certainly validate the seriousness of the felonious maneuvers.

In response to the attack the White House had threatened to cut off all exit visas issued by the New Deep State. These were aimed at domestic detractors, local critics and the disloyal. The response was shelved when close aides informed the president that the country does not now require exit visas for anyone especially US passport holders.

The Trump people want exit these highly visible controls and are pushing for them. On paper the law allows for the establishment of such controls but has shunned the idea due to the expense and impracticability of such a move.

“These people are very much like gorillas,” said one political analyst. “Considering the recent bi-partisan track record in these chambers many of us think we should leave well enough alone until after the mid-term elections.

– Pepper Salte

Filed Under: Soft News

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