GOP says it colluded with Supreme Being during 2016 elections

(Dixie) Republican evangelicals say that they colluded with God during the 2016 Presidential Elections in the United States. The stark admission comes after months and months of testimony conducted in the shadow of the Divine and Foreign Powers Act of 1937.

In addition, many say there is nothing illegal about the activity since it is entirely faith based. There is no paper trail including banking transfers, email hacks or whistle blowers involved.

“These people may be conversing with higher powers. We cannot prove it is untrue. Many have imaginary friends but none of them has a pinch of spiritualism. They may think they talk to a higher force but in reality there is no one there at the other end of that conversation,” said a fellow Republican who called the pseudo-embrace of morality fear baiting and warned voters to stick to the issues.

“These charlatans are trying to distract voters from the real issues and grab a few bags of campaign gold from their frightened constituencies,” continued the GOP source.

“Whoever or whatever is responsible for this human predicament mess on earth has certainly taken leave. The very idea that a controlling being would be interested in our election charades is absurd,” echoed another fallen away Republican.

“People without souls intent on saving other souls has stood in the way of man’s natural ascension and has created a damaged, unhappy existence for millions,” said the source. “Up till now phony religion has been the most destructive force on the planet but hold onto your halos…here comes Monster Weather!”

House Democrats threatened to subpoena everyone who talks to themselves but, alarmed the no one would show up, dropped legislative action on the subject before it ate into their lunch hour.

“They will not subpoena anyone from up here,” said a heavenly voice. “We don’t even know what collude means.”

-H.L. Menocken

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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