God Recuses Self From Human Predicament

(Celestial Fields) The Creator has reportedly recused himself from the frantic situation on earth saying that the recklessness of humans was “not what I had in mind when I concocted the place.”

The announcement came as a shock to many of the self-proclaimed faithful who thought they had in inside route to salvation. A spokesman for the Omnipresent Being went on to explain that God was sick of all the holier-than-thou solicitation and the burgeoning requests from the righteous who do next to nothing to help their fellows.

“Maybe someday these tiny-brained beggars will really read their bible and start practicing love and kindness toward other inhabitants of the planet,” said a voice from a nearby cloud.

Spiritual watchdogs expressed further concern with a shocking announcement that God would employ Instant Replay to determine who had been good and who had been bad. The concept of forgiveness, they say, would take on a whole new light.

“The adoption of further review could put a lot of people in hot water and a lot of charlatans out of business,” said the cloud voice. “Getting away with cheating will be far more difficult and these saints might have to embrace conscience instead of mouthing their counterfeit chants.”

“So this guy created this whole mess and now he’s baling?” one mega minister asked his congregation. “Maybe we’d be better off living for today and not worrying about all this eternity business.”

In what might be the first time mortal journalists have interviewed someone of such high status, the question was posed and then waved off, only to be tackled by a pasty-faced, bespectacled archangel with a stuffed briefcase.

“That’s what they say, and yes…God may well be on to other solar systems,” said the archangel. “The time has come for you to survive on your own without transcendent input. You knew there were no guarantees when deliverance was concerned.

– Dieter Upanishads

“Governments don’t really govern. They just promote campaign slogans, questionable elections and keep the money moving.” – Uncle Spam

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