From the desk of the Dublin Magistrate (Continued)

so that the unsuspecting O’Toole had already managed to drown whatever sorrows he possessed and began intruding on the problems of others at the bar.

All seemed to be going fine until the 101-year-old started to waver a bit, smiled faintly and nose-dived to the floor. Other patrons later told the police that they had never seen an old man perfect an inward, twisting dive in with such poise and determination. Then strangers scooped him up and sat him on secure perch away from a steep stairway that threatened to gobble him up just moments before.

The Banker, off-kilter on its own, has banned all American journalists in response to literary plunges and missed deadlines associated with daily specials.

A spokesman for the Banker Lounge (pictured) at 16 Trinity Street, Dublin, told The Horseshoe that the elderly Toole had consumed 13 Clonakilty sausages and a butchers 1/2 pounder from Skibereen and that his he still had food on his face when he came in.

“We should have detected something odd since it is virtually impossible to find these West Cork delights in Dublin City,” said the singing bartender named Gary (no last name given).

He then washed down the preposterous culinary assemblage with three pints of Guinness and a tumbler of John Powers Hibernian whiskey (no ice).

A Rathmines attorney, representing the old man, said the bar was clearly negligent in that his client was grossly over-served and caught up in the web of seditious conversation. In addition he appeared visibly moved by the selections of Aretha Franklin on the jukebox while intent on impressing a lovely waitress on exchange from from the renown Jesus, Mary and Joseph Cantina in Mexico City.

“We must be more watchful over our older drunks,” said the lawyer. “These are national treasures and should be protected for posterity. We will miss them when they’re gone.”

Although no legal action has been filed at this time it is expected that Toole will sue for damages and and the lasting affects of public humiliation. If all proceeds well he hopes to own the pub by summer tourist season.

International blowback, akin the the much publicized Brexit bungle, threatens to unseat longstanding traditions at The Oak, at 81 Dame (at Crane Street) where Toole has taken up residence until matters are sorted out after the bank holiday.

-Fred Zeppelin

Filed Under: Soft News


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