Feds to undress cartoon exploitation

In an attempt to relieve the ongoing exploitation of cartoon characters in this country Congress has approved a bill that would house victims and punish perpetrators.

Over the years the relationship between cartoons and people has deteriorated with even famous cartoon greats feeling disillusioned and without hope. It is feared that without protection many will follow the all too familiar path into the gutter or escape through animated drugs and alcohol. Bad treatment comes not only from humans but, as often the case, from other cartoons as well.

Personalities such as Wiley Coyote, Elmer Fudd and even Donald Duck were cited as classic casualties of such immoral practices. One lawmaker added (to paraphrase) that less notable cartoons are duped daily with many playing the part of fall guy to humans who, in most cases, are less than their intellectual equals.

“What happens in our existing system should make us all ashamed,” said Anne I. Mate, a longtime advocate for cartoon rights.

“Cartoons are expected to work long hours in wretched conditions without pay. On some sets the characters don’t even get a lunch break or a glass of water when they are thirsty. Something must be done and done right now.”

Mate added that civilized nations have laws already in place to protect cartoons from manipulation by the corporate structure. In France, for instance, it is illegal to work cartoons more than 40 hours per week while in Germany and Switzerland employers must provide housing and a clothing stipend for any legal cartoon. In New Zealand cartoon characters appearing on Saturday morning prime time must be given Sunday and Monday off so as to recuperate.

“These benefits are only fair, especially when one considers the often dangerous working conditions faced by the average animated performer,” said Mate. “Many cartoons fall off cliffs, are hit with flying objects and are blown to pieces with dynamite or other explosives. Let’s face it: These characters deserve just compensation at least for surviving loved ones.”

Mate went on to say that if the situation is not remedied we may see shortages of cartoons in the future and that many will seek employment in other areas such as real estate, massage therapy and government.

Whether or not the new legislation would affect the status of television news personnel was not clear at press time.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

“I have wielded a blood-stained sword and howling spear. The bird of carrion followed me when the Vikings pressed forth.” – from Fin Gall by James Nelson.

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