Feds conclude tests on marijuana smoking

(Doolittle Park) The U.S. federal gov’ment, rumored to be located on the east coast of North America, has been struggling to find data linking marijuana to an assortment of health risks. Saying the study seeks to protect the American public from demon weed the analysis appears aimed at propping up the black market and the boys at Big Pharm. Here are some of the latest warnings. Please be careful.

1. Smoking marijuana causes distrust of the government and most sacred institutions.

2. The use of cannabis has been linked to silliness and a feeling that one is surrounded by a world gone mad.

3. Marijuana causes cavities, dandruff, variations in the color scale, lilt and excessive body odor after 2 weeks.

4. Marijuana causes one to eat cookies and stay indoors when temperatures reach twenty below zero.

5. Using pot while traversing unprotected cliffs (or tightropes) while blindfolded is dangerous to one’s health.

6. Smoking marijuana could result in a false sense of well-being and in extreme cases may result in the smoker watching Star Trek and Beverly Hillbillies reruns.

7. Smoking pot may lead to such dangerous behavior as chronic gardening, hiking, lovemaking and/or gourmet cooking.

8. The use of cannabis may cause the embrace of pagan holidays instead of those imposed by the mainstream religious hierarchy.

9. When coupled with dangerous music, marijuana often has been found to cause 88% of test cases to dance.

10 Users often need 6 – 8 hours sleep to function properly in our modern world. Chronically addicted puffers often talk to cat and dogs.

For more turn to Reefer Madness Sequel to Grace Theaters in August.

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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