Elvis Deniers to speak at CU in March

(Boulder) A travelling contingent of diehard Elvis agnostics will undress students and faculty here in late March despite complaints and threats leveled by opponents.

The thee-hour evening seminar is part of a weeklong program aimed at dispersing untruths about celebrities, liberals and telling the real story of American culture. The principles say they decided to begin with Elvis since he demands a lot of attention even from millennials and people not alive during the reign of Presley.

“We come to renounce the king,” blasted cheap speakers from SUVs parked around the stage to keep out angry critics who have pledged to disrupt the event. “Why is it that the left wingers have clear access to this podium but the right wing is banned from sharing its message? I thought liberals were for the egalitarian approach. Maybe not.”

The visitors plan to disavow the existence of Elvis, despite mounds of evidence that he existed. They insist that the radio payola people created him, contending that his ghost is nothing more than laughable and that people who still worship Elvis need reeducation or swift kick in the pants.

“If he is real then prove it,” pressed one Elvis denier in red, white and blue. “He was never here and he’s damn sure not coming back to gather his fans and spend eternity at Graceland. Many of his fans miss out on the beauties of life on earth waiting to be rescued by their hero any day now. How sad.”

– Pepper Salte

“If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true were really true, there would be little hope of advance.” – Orville Wright

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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