Earth is sole planet says VP

(Cheyenne de Vaquero) Vice President Mike Pence told a group of intergalactic oil drillers here that earth was indeed the only planet in the solar system and that their efforts at oil extraction in outer space were good for America.

Saying, β€œOne of our Secretaries of State told me,” Pence went on to discount earlier findings that the solar system was crammed with heavenly bodies.

“Show me one place in the Bible where they talk about Mars or Martians invading the earth,” said Pence to a chorus of laughter. He quickly turned serious then added that with the Martian threat gone the administration could now focus wholeheartedly on the War on Terror. Silence.

The Hoosier, an Indian word hoosa for corn, denied allegations that his comments reflected a conflict of interest due to his presence on the government dole masked as civil service. Frowns.

“Back when I was at the helm of Indiana we were subjected to the same kind of harassment by narrow-minded people who think the earth was created to be preserved. What nonsense. I don’t remember reading about any environmentalists crossing the Red Sea or fighting with the Philistines.”

Again the Vice President got a throng of guffaws, mixed with tearful laughter.

When asked about Martian landings by unmanned spaceships and an assortment of high tech photos that have been collected over the past five years Pence said that he could not answer in that the activity in question was a matter of national security.

“I’ll say this: He smiled. “If I was a passenger on a United Airlines Flight to Disney World I’d be far and away more comfortable with Donald Trump in the cockpit than I would with these Democratic pretenders to the throne at the wheel.”

– Sergio Jingle

Filed Under: Soft News

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