(Klondike Basin UPS) The Disappointment Valley Optimist Club, long a bastion of arch-positive thinking in Western Colorado, has dissolved itself as of last night’s meeting. The club, boasting over four members, represented registered voters in the region with its own interests at heart.

The official reasons for the fraternal termination were not disclosed but one member told The Horseshoe that it had a lot to do with the Dugout Wash Grange Hall burning down in January.

“We were holding temporary meetings at Mario Crepehanger’s trailer but he didn’t have heat,” said the spokesman. “Then we moved the whole shindig over to the banks of Rabbit Creek but there’s too much fur around there and them rabbits got spots on their little livers this year. We didn’t really want to freeze or get sick so we all went home.”

Unconfirmed sources in downtown Egnar blame the sad occurrence on collusion among several international gravel pit concerns in the valley.

“Those guys didn’t appreciate the Optimists being around, throwing parties and bringing canned goods to the needy,” said L. Flem Cocklebur, who provided the club with whiskey for the past 15 years. “I think they torched the grange hall to further their own selfish ends,” he spat.

It was not clear at press time whether the remaining members of the club would restructure the organization and press on with the “larger-than-life” takeover of Slick Rock, that was on the docket at the time of their demise.

Anyone interested in joining the club or donating weapons at this time is asked to call Crepehanger in Norwood.

“The lovely patch of land surrounding Guantanamo Bay has for more than a century been a U.S. Naval outpost. It must become part of Cuba again. In return, the United States can have Miami back.”

– Tom Miller: If I had been Raul Castro’s Speech Writer in Trading With the Enemy

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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