Coors Field Files Restraining Order on Rox Relief Pitchers

(Denver) Coors Field, and The City and County of Denver have reportedly filed a protective order against roster relief pitchers* Jake McGee, Bryan Shaw and Scott Oberg as well as Mike Dunn and Chris Rusin who are currently on the Disabled List.

According to pieces of the documentation released by the baseball club today the action comes after “repeated failures on the diamond where fans and significant others were harassed, deflated and disappointed by the performances of those mentioned in a cease abuse provision. Furthermore all five have been accused of impersonating a relief pitcher, a misdemeanor, and making fans physically and emotionally ill, a felony.

The salaries paid to these misfits, while immoral on their own terms, were not a consideration in the court filing.

“We just don’t want them in the bullpen or the dugout or on the property,” said a spokesperson for the Rockies who added that the city is taking steps to have them deported to Arizona.

Usually reserved for domestic violence, stalking or sexual assault, the restraining order prohibits communication with team members and the press. Failure to comply could result in arrest.

“Yes, the burden of proof in Colorado rests on the accused,” said the spokesperson. “We have 40,000 witnesses in the stands who welcome the proceedings.”

– Atila Diggins

* It is likely Wade Davis will be added to this shameful crew after his horrid performance against the Cardinals today.

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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