Congress Votes to End Spoils System

The United States Senate today voted overwhelmingly to terminate lavish health care and bloated lifetime pensions for elected Representatives in House. In addition it set limits on financial transactions involving pork barrels, lobbyists and super pacts.

Not to be outdone, the House countered with ban on such luxury entitlements as daily limo use, lobbyist luncheons and introduces fines for chronic absenteeism. The body then followed suit, banning brahman health coverage and pensions for its colleagues in the senate.

The projected savings are estimated to be in the low billions. Although the destination of these newly generated funds was not clear it is likely the money will not filter down to struggling taxpayers or help purchase health care for the needy.

“We certainly don’t want these recovered funds to end up in the wrong hands,” said one senator, with a dismissive wink.

The legislative branch contends that, after administrative costs are subtracted, the sum be deposited into a secret Swiss cheese account where it will be safe and soon forgotten by the great unwashed. The rest of the savings will most likely be invested in the schlock market or spent buying lottery tickets in drafty constituent districts from Oregon to Alabama.

Officials who sit in Congress had been recipients of A-1 lifetime health coverage and a hefty lifetime pension even though most are already rich beyond the dreams of the common man. They have achieved the status of royalty, perched in the catbird seat, a roost inaccessible to their fellow citizens.

The lawmakers were so busy pointing the finger, jockeying for position and covering their posteriors that they did not have time to undress campaign parameters, North Korea nukes, immigration, tax reform, national health care, Afghanistan,  and our crumbling domestic infrastructure.

– Tommy Middlefinger

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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