CONGRESS TO VOTE ON 25-HOUR DAY

(Washington) The U.S. House of Reprehensibles has scheduled a vote on whether to add an hour to each day of the week. Despite the obvious inconveniences, a majority of the legislators seem to think the bill will become law this week.

“If passed the new bill would be even sillier than Daylight Savings Time, clean shave campaigning and the electoral process all rolled into one,” said Senator Oral Noise (Unitarian-CA). “If I didn’t hear the proposal with my own ears I’d have said it was a bad joke.”

Noise told The Horseshoe that increasing the hours in a day was nothing more than a smokescreen thrown up by members of Congress accused of ethics violations. He said it was an attempt to conceal questionable behavior by keeping the public off balance.

“If people don’t know what day it is they are less likely to notice our shenanigans,” he smiled.

Noise is currently under investigation on some 300 ethics charges which allegedly include the sale of weapons before breakfast, illegally dumping household trash in the Congressional dumpster and leaving the seat up in a unisex latrine at the White House. He is expected to plead no lo contesto sometime next week.

“If all the senators and representatives who are under the gun with regards to ethics violations vote for the 25-hour day you’d better buy a new calendar,” quipped Noise. “I myself prefer the hour glass which doesn’t require a battery or winding. All one has to do is turn the thing over and he automatically buys himself a little more time. That’s how government works.”

The Congress, only in session for about three months per year due to rampant absenteeism, trips to the bank and campaigning, The legislative body will also decide on other issues such as the validity of eclectric cars, a new logo for Supreme Court judge’s costumes, what to buy for Billy Joel’s new baby and whether the presence of women behind the wheel of a car in Saudi Arabia will drive up the price of crude oil.

 “Then we’ll have lunch,” snipped Noise.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

Filed Under: Soft News

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